Sorry to report.
It's on the move. Got a letter from the doc that it is spreading and not looking good. We will talk about what that means next week. Sorry, but I feel to be losing the fight, truly that things are wrapping up for me. I'm scared to death.
posted by json @ 5:00 PM
10 comments
10 Comments:
Keep fighting and don't give up. Draw close to Jesus in this time of need. My prayers will continue.
Wow...this is pretty intense.
I've been thinking about you a lot, especially when the Dodgers are on tv and Vin appears with that dead squirrel on his head.
I don't know if I've ever told you this but you're one of the few people I know who possess that special combination of wit, intellect, humor, and curiousity that makes any conversation with you entertaining.
I just don't know what else to say.
-Will
No matter what any doctor says, or how much the cancer has metastases, know this, YOU STILL OWN TODAY. And when you wake up tomorrow, you own that day too. So on and so forth. I guess the big question is, what are you going to do with that day?
My Brother, my hero...nearly everything that I am is because of him. He chose flute, I played the saxophone (remember those Men At Work ablums we used to rock to?). He was in drum line, I followed. He was going to join the Army, I enlisted (he opted out, and in hindsight, that was a MUCH better decision).
No father, he was my protector. I needed to to do everything he did and better, so that he would be proud (and jealous!).
We fought viciously, but never hit in the face (were we vain?). We clashed. We didn't speak. I thought we were completely different, but I think in him, I saw too much of myself.
I love him. He is so inspiring.
Jason,
My brother, my friend, my family. You helped show me what true friendship is. You were never afraid to be gentle or blunt in your words because they were always given with sincerity and I thank you so much for that.
I will miss you more than I can ever say and I wish nothing but Peace and Happiness to be with you on your final journey home.
I'll look forward to seeing you again when we can continue our conversations about literature and love and baseball, when all 4 of the Brotherhood of Fools can laugh til tears run down our cheeks and we can tell mom jokes til the end of eternity.
Hope, Faith, Love, Strength and Brotherhood. It's what we own.
Much Love,
your brother and friend,
Will
I read your journal today while you were under a morphine-induced sleep. I was intrigued by your thoughts about memories and you conclusion that they die with you in the end. You were so right when you wrote that my memories of us playing guitar differ from yours. Though when your time comes and those memories that you have of our friendship will go along with you, know this; the memories I have kept have become more precious, because that’s all I have left of you. Thankfully I have a lot, which means I have a lot of you to keep.
I don’t know what your thoughts and feelings are about us playing music together but it appears that they are good and important to you, since the first thing you said to me when I arrived was something about new strings in the office. Our friendship was founded on music, and it was music that brought us closer together. My heart danced while jamming on the guitars together and there were times when the jam sessions were going so well, I felt some sort of cosmos connection with you and the music that we were creating. It is a damn shame we only got to record a handle full of the songs.
You are a better musician than I and I have been honored to jam with, and more so, I have been honored to be one of your bestfriends. I love you Jason and thanks for all of the great memories.
Jason died 1 1/2 weeks ago. A celebration of his life open house is being held at his parents' house today.
J,
Somehow I hope you read this in the beyond. You were eye opening in life and in passing and I still can't get the courage to remove your name from my email contacts and sometimes I want to write you just to see if you respond with some whitty quip that pushes borders of what I feel and think.
I still doesn't seem fair, but life just isn't always what it seems. You were the martyr of youth my friend, showing us we have little time to appreciate what we love in life. Thank you for showing me that. I hope you are enjoying the Giants/Dodgers chess set that I bought you last year at this same time. Happy Birthday my friend. Lots of love. Hope, Strength, Love and Friendhip. Don't forget that, it's what we own.
Will
Happy Birthday Jason. I was just thinking this morning how nice it was to hang out with you on a lazy Saturday afternoon in San Francisco last year on your birthday. It doenst seem right to not be able to do that this year. A lot doesnt seem right since you left.
Until we meet again, your brother.
It’s been a year today since my one of best friends passed away. It still doesn’t seem right or real. I think of Jason all of the time. Little things trigger my memory of him, whether it be a song, a place, a Dodger game, the weather, a book or just a feeling or mood. I still wear the yellow “Live Strong” bracelet for him and his battle with cancer. Even at this moment as I type this, the Postal Service CD is playing in the background, which was the CD Ruben I listen to on our way back to Jason’s house, while driving over the Golden Gate Bridge after spreading his ashes over the San Francisco Bay.
You know, I look at this yellow bracelet of mine and I think of Jason battle and how he did his best to live strong. That’s what I do now; I try live strong. Truth is, none of us are as strong as we appear; God knows I am not, but I am trying really hard now.
Jason influenced me in so many ways, he open my ears to music, my eyes to books, my heart to the Dodgers and most recently an inner-desire to live strong, which has become so important to my way of thinking as I fight my own battles of dependency. By no means am I saying Jason was a saint. None of us are, but I do know, despite his faults, he has inspired a lot of good within people and because of that, he lived a good life. Short…to short, but good.
You are missed Jason.
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